Shitty days require shitty behaviors.

This year, i became distant from everyone...
such a weird feeling when you find your comfort away from people, like alone.
even though i had this rough time accepting the loneliness, but i somehow got used to it, just hanging out in my world, and this made me hardly communicate with others, even if i do, i look so much weird and WEIRD!
Yes, i felt like an outsider because i haven't found anybody with my interests, and they're just being human, as i don't and i really try to keep myself real and truthful to my principals, i'm trying to treat people as i want to be treated ''by people i mean ones who i know'' because others already hate me, simply because i'm distant, and they don't seem to understand a thing. Yes i might have been mean, when i was in my fucked up days, but that doesn't mean i'm like that, just shitty days require shitty behaviors, and no fucking body "except two" seem to freaking understand because they 're living it too, or so!
And i agree , i'm not polite at all, i can't be polite, i cant fake my respect or gratitude to anybody! and i'm over analyzing it because simply i wanna quite from this planet and join some other world with mentally ill, self doubted yet strong , intellectual normal(to me) people! It's impossible.
and yet, i wonder: why i'am the only one who's over thinking about this? my cousin doesn't seem like he's having any thoughts about i donno, life! or why stuff happen, or why do we exist, or can we be the same if something happens, or even love by characterizing a person in his head and day dreaming about it, and analyse every single detail of this person? or having an opinion about your country, or anything actually!
Why this shallowness!!! WHYYYYY!
 The fact about acceptance of the things surrounding us, accepting people, accepting behaviors, accepting ourselves, mainly lead me to a sudden comfort, and a little fear of this might change, yeah i just cant drop my guards! yet, that comfort and this slight boost of confidence gave me this feeling...
It's good i swear!
and i'm afraid -again- that after this, something will strike again to pull me down :/

Friends!


What a joke!
Today, i realized that friendship isn't that important...
I mean it is, for the ones who charish it and get involved it it, and be there.
Im talking about the ones who don't care, the ones who remove you from their lives once they make new friends, the ones that you opened your heart to,telling them the deepest things you may ever feel. But suddenly, every single littel thing vanishes away, like it has never been!
How Painful it is...
To picture the life without them.
Or even worse, when they don't care at all.

This has been distracting me alot, so for a consequence im failing in my classes, i don't put that big effort as i used to, and it is devastating
It looks like my life is falling apart slowly while im watching it, and i don't know what to do anymore. I need support, i need some true lifetime friends.

Somehow, i must reorder my life and put it on track again, i can't afford failure anymore, i want to taste the good success, to be able to feel it and enjoy it.
I'm saying no to be put in second, or to be ditched, im saying no to following people around, im saying no to regret, no to tears, no for underestimating myself, no ... no... NO!
I am going to change it, im gonna focus on the important things, because futur is now.
I won't get distracted anymore, its not worth it.

I'll find my way, i'll put mylife together, and it's only the beginning...

Don't know how to start!

Well, 

I've always been the nice kid, that every one likes,respects,and for no reasons: get jealous of!!!!

Overall, my childhood was amazing, my parents were there for me in every small step,as they say:"we have rased her well" and it is true!

And here i am, a TEENAGER!
Where confusion, drama, and many other crazy stuff comes by!